It's been awhile.
So I know I sort of faded out of the blogging world. I had A LOT going on to say the least this past year.
Moved around a lot...but finally settled in (for now) in Columbus. It's treating us well. =)
So why am I awake at 2:18 in the morning resurrecting my dead blog?
Well I just couldn't stop thinking about it.
I left the blog in June with the the start of my new diet. Which was effective...at the time. I lost 11 pounds but then we moved...I started a new job...quit that job and moved some more.
FINALLY we made it to Columbus and things settled down and I'm ready to start again!
This time I'm not following a diet. I'm trying to change my life now. For real.
I'm scared out of my mind.
Since I was a teenager I have been completely obsessed with my weight. I have done many things I am not proud of just to be thin. Things that if I named them all would probably grant me a special on TLC. No I'm not being dramatic. I had a problem.
To say that my problem went away would be a total and complete lie. But I'm dealing with it better now.
When Isaac and I got married I was doing so well. No crazy diet tricks...I was healthy. But then we got to Okinawa and I put on a little weight. No problem I thought...I'm a newlywed it happens. So we started going to the gym together. But still the weight creeped up. I couldn't figure it out. I wasn't eating a cake a day,no crazy fast food days. It was just creeping up on me. I went a little nuts. Buying a scale....measuring myself. Things I hadn't done in a long time. I was also dealing with the anxiety of having a husband in the Air Force...he was never there. Which wasn't his fault at all. He would have (and still will) done anything for me.
But I was in total panic mood. I slipped into my old ways. But this time not eating for 3 or so days wasn't cutting it. Living off cereal wasn't making it okay. Something was wrong.
This time it was a lot harder to hide my 'problem' Isaac knew I was acting weird. He really helped me to I guess eat like a normal person.
Around that time I went to the Doctor for the first time.
I explained my problems and she dismissed me...told me I was wrong (the fool...) Oh and she also told me I need to eat less and work out more! Hah if she only knew me right?
I felt so hopeless.
Isaac helped me by coaching me to run. I tried everything. I worked out so hard everyday. But nothing seemed to help. I didn't gain any serious weight until it was time to come home. Everyone thought STRESS.
And I'm positive that was not helping things but no it wasn't stress.
There were all the other changes. Changes you could only notice if you were close to me. But no one was. Isaac was hardly ever home. And hello! We lived in Japan...so no one could see what was happening to me.
So nearly 5 years later I go to the Doctor again...things were getting worse. Everyone could tell.
I had so many tests done to see what was going on. (Finally people were recognizing something was up!) Once we found out it wasn't my Thyroid I went to another Doctor.
When I told him my story and all my crazy symptoms he was furious.
Not with me...but with my doctor I had spoken with 5 years ago.
The first thing he wanted to do was a surgery called Laparoscopy which was to look around inside my body to find out what was going on. I knew I would finally have some answers.The surgery went fine and as we all suspected I have Stage 1 Endometriosis. Not a big shocker. It's something I had heard about for years and was terrified I had. But the surprise was that I also have something called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or PCOS .Which turns out...causes a problem with how my body processed insulin. Hallelujah I'm not crazy!I now know why I put on weight...I have an enemy to look in the face.I like to think that God...knowing me as well as he does knew that he had to take drastic measures with me.I think if I hadn't have developed this I may have never sat down and really thought about how I needed to love body and myself. God gave me this body they way it is for a reason. I was so mean to myself. For what reason? I could try to blame others but lets face it. It was all me. All me.
I have learned over the past few years that there are things in your life you will not be able to control. And that's okay. God takes care of it. Luckily I am now getting the treatment I deserve and I am on the way to loving myself the way I should have always loved myself.
So tomorrow we are grocery shopping for...not a new diet...but a new lifestyle.
I talked with my doctor and the only way for my body to handle the weird thing it likes to do with insulin is to go low-carb.
I'm scared. I don't want to slip back into the food nazi I was before. But I have God on my side. I think with his (and Isaac's!) help I'm going to make it.
It's not about being perfect anymore. It's about loving myself no matter my size.
I don't really know why I had such an urge to write this tonight but I just knew I wouldn't get rest until it was out. I feel better,,,a little bit 'cleaner'.
Whoever is reading this...when you send up your prayers send one up for me!
Thanks,
Little Miss Loves Herself. =D
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
What a day.
So today was the second day of my diet.
I'm still feeling pretty good.
Sometimes I think about how I would literally kill someone or something to get my hands on a smoothie...but I manage to suppress that urge.
I weighed myself this morning and I am down 4lbs. It really is an awesome feeling to see the scale going down instead of up,up and away.
Isaac was down 3 so we have both had a good start. I'm guessing the weight loss won't be so high tomorrow. It will sting but I think I can get over it.
Looking online I managed to find a few new recipes to try out. It's funny because you feel so limited because there's so much you can't eat but then there are these "loopholes" I guess you might call them.
There are ways to make chocolatey drinks without all the sugar. Even a cupcake.
Isaac and I went to Walmart for a few things and its sad how we just stared longingly at the donuts. We don't even eat donuts but it really made me realize how addicted to sugar we are.
We ended up buying some of that dessert flavored gum...and let me tell you,after two whole days with no sweets I nearly cried when I tasted that Mint Chocolate Chip gum.
God knows what the people who saw us were thinking as we passed by we kept saying "Oh my Gooood!' "It's like having a peppermint pattie in my mouth! Eeee!"
I also noticed our walk was a little easier tonight...I didn't feel like I was about to die. What a plus.
I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow...and to the start of a new me. =)
I'm still feeling pretty good.
Sometimes I think about how I would literally kill someone or something to get my hands on a smoothie...but I manage to suppress that urge.
I weighed myself this morning and I am down 4lbs. It really is an awesome feeling to see the scale going down instead of up,up and away.
Isaac was down 3 so we have both had a good start. I'm guessing the weight loss won't be so high tomorrow. It will sting but I think I can get over it.
Looking online I managed to find a few new recipes to try out. It's funny because you feel so limited because there's so much you can't eat but then there are these "loopholes" I guess you might call them.
There are ways to make chocolatey drinks without all the sugar. Even a cupcake.
Isaac and I went to Walmart for a few things and its sad how we just stared longingly at the donuts. We don't even eat donuts but it really made me realize how addicted to sugar we are.
We ended up buying some of that dessert flavored gum...and let me tell you,after two whole days with no sweets I nearly cried when I tasted that Mint Chocolate Chip gum.
God knows what the people who saw us were thinking as we passed by we kept saying "Oh my Gooood!' "It's like having a peppermint pattie in my mouth! Eeee!"
I also noticed our walk was a little easier tonight...I didn't feel like I was about to die. What a plus.
I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow...and to the start of a new me. =)
I'm not dead!
I've been wanting to get back into blogging for awhile now.
But its been a little hard with the limited internet access and just being plain busy.
Life back in the United States has been pretty good.
I do miss Japan a lot but there's nothing like being home. =)
So today was the first day of a diet Isaac and I are doing.
Before anyone comments on how diets get you no where and "All you need to do is watch what you eat and exercise" I will let you know that I know that's true but there are some of us who don't really know what healthy is. We have an idea but its hard this day and age to really know.
AND I cannot count calories. I can...but when I was around 16 or 17 I was so completely obsessed with what I ate. Counting calories is just not a good option for me. I get into a really really negative mindset about myself.
I was starting to feel like I had no real hope for losing weight.
I haven't ever really eaten badly...But my genes just make me a little bigger than other girls. I've always been bigger.
Being heavy wasn't ever a problem for me until this year.
When Isaac got deployed it was really rough on me.
I broke my elbow,my house kept flooding over and over again. Plus there was a big life changing thing thrown in there. And I was completely and utterly alone for most of it. I just didn't know how to cope. And phone calls (even though they were amazing!) just couldn't make up for being so alone. I stopped going out so much. My arm hurt so I quit going to the gym. I didn't really start eating more but I wasn't moving much either.
So the weight just snuck up on me. It has been terrible.
I have been so horribly hard on myself...and that just made things worse.
So I knew I needed to do something...ANYTHING to try and get the old me back.
Like I said I was losing hope on losing the weight and then one day I watch the Dr. Oz show.
I never watched it day to day...just because when I usually do I think I have whatever disease he's talking about. But this day he was talking about this Diet that has gotten really popular over the last 10 or so years.
I was thinking..."Oh great...something else I can't do and will just depress me."
But then he started to describe it and how it worked. The more I listened the more I thought "You know what...I think I can do this!"
It was like how in a movie, a character suddenly gets motivated and awesome music starts playing in the background. I do wish I could fast forward but...ya know step by step.
He and three other doctors sat there discussing how it worked and if it kept the weight off. He also had people who were just starting the diet...were in the middle and has finished, on the show.
The best part was how each and everyone of them said "I never once felt hungry" I mean how many of you have started a diet and just thought you would die of hunger? I know I have.
And I get SO mean when I'm hungry.
So I finally decided I would at least read the book.
I never in my life thought I would be buying a diet book...and Thank God for my Kindle because I would have NEVER been able to actually go into the store and buy a diet book. I just know people would be thinking "Oh look at that fatty..." =p
So today was day 1 and although I probably would have killed someone for a cookie or a slice of cheese I feel really really good.
I wasn't hungry...well I mean I did get hungry but I was able to eat until I was full and being able to do that on a DIET is amazing.
I'm hoping I can keep this good attitude going and I'm so thankful to have the support I have from Isaac.
He didn't care whether I went on the diet or not (Awwww) but he also knew I needed to do something to be comfortable with myself.
I just know things will be looking up from here!
=D
Free Disney Tickers
http://www.dukandiet.com/
But its been a little hard with the limited internet access and just being plain busy.
Life back in the United States has been pretty good.
I do miss Japan a lot but there's nothing like being home. =)
So today was the first day of a diet Isaac and I are doing.
Before anyone comments on how diets get you no where and "All you need to do is watch what you eat and exercise" I will let you know that I know that's true but there are some of us who don't really know what healthy is. We have an idea but its hard this day and age to really know.
AND I cannot count calories. I can...but when I was around 16 or 17 I was so completely obsessed with what I ate. Counting calories is just not a good option for me. I get into a really really negative mindset about myself.
I was starting to feel like I had no real hope for losing weight.
I haven't ever really eaten badly...But my genes just make me a little bigger than other girls. I've always been bigger.
Being heavy wasn't ever a problem for me until this year.
When Isaac got deployed it was really rough on me.
I broke my elbow,my house kept flooding over and over again. Plus there was a big life changing thing thrown in there. And I was completely and utterly alone for most of it. I just didn't know how to cope. And phone calls (even though they were amazing!) just couldn't make up for being so alone. I stopped going out so much. My arm hurt so I quit going to the gym. I didn't really start eating more but I wasn't moving much either.
So the weight just snuck up on me. It has been terrible.
I have been so horribly hard on myself...and that just made things worse.
So I knew I needed to do something...ANYTHING to try and get the old me back.
Like I said I was losing hope on losing the weight and then one day I watch the Dr. Oz show.
I never watched it day to day...just because when I usually do I think I have whatever disease he's talking about. But this day he was talking about this Diet that has gotten really popular over the last 10 or so years.
I was thinking..."Oh great...something else I can't do and will just depress me."
But then he started to describe it and how it worked. The more I listened the more I thought "You know what...I think I can do this!"
It was like how in a movie, a character suddenly gets motivated and awesome music starts playing in the background. I do wish I could fast forward but...ya know step by step.
He and three other doctors sat there discussing how it worked and if it kept the weight off. He also had people who were just starting the diet...were in the middle and has finished, on the show.
The best part was how each and everyone of them said "I never once felt hungry" I mean how many of you have started a diet and just thought you would die of hunger? I know I have.
And I get SO mean when I'm hungry.
So I finally decided I would at least read the book.
I never in my life thought I would be buying a diet book...and Thank God for my Kindle because I would have NEVER been able to actually go into the store and buy a diet book. I just know people would be thinking "Oh look at that fatty..." =p
So today was day 1 and although I probably would have killed someone for a cookie or a slice of cheese I feel really really good.
I wasn't hungry...well I mean I did get hungry but I was able to eat until I was full and being able to do that on a DIET is amazing.
I'm hoping I can keep this good attitude going and I'm so thankful to have the support I have from Isaac.
He didn't care whether I went on the diet or not (Awwww) but he also knew I needed to do something to be comfortable with myself.
I just know things will be looking up from here!
=D
Free Disney Tickers
http://www.dukandiet.com/
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentines Day.
There are so many people in the world who hate...even loathe Valentines day.
Some of them even throw parties based on how much they hate it.
As for me...I honestly don't see where people who hate (or love it so much for that matter) get there energy.
I mean seriously...if people got so excited about finding a cure for cancer as they did doing research about what Valentine's day originated from (Or Christmas or Thanksgiving etc.) we might have a cure by now.
If you think I'm saying I think its stupid to look up historical events as those aforementioned, that is soooo not what I'm getting at I swear.
In fact I love history (Yay History Channel!) and I love it when people like to find out the true meaning of things.
No the thing that irks me are the sort of people who have to make holidays (Not just Valentines day) unbearable. Those people who when you say "Oh hey, Happy Valentines Day." Reply with a snarky remark such as "I hate Valentines day" or "Do you REALLY know what happened on Valentines Day?"
I mean COME ON...Someone is trying to be nice and you just have to be rude because you don't happen to care very much for a holiday. That's not even necessary...if you hate Valentines day (Or Christmas,Thanksgiving..or heck even Arbor Day) get a journal! Don't go around shooting down every cheerful remark someone directs towards you. Say Thanks and move on...geez. No one has manners anymore.
Just because you have probably had some bad experience with holidays doesn't mean you can never have another nice one. To have a nice,loving experience you first have to be open to said experience. If you shut yourself off from everything, how will you ever know any joy in life?
This is a topic I rant to Isaac about...pretty much every holiday.
How many of you have had to listen to people rant and rave about how the Indians where killed and given disease ridden blankets at Thanksgiving...ON THANKSGIVING! "Yeah Grandma...I'd like to say something about how thankful I am about celebrating the white man killing off Indians and stealing there land ." What a great way to express your thanks towards someone who has been cooking all day for your entire family and just wants to spend time with you. Awesome! Really...talking about people dying is PERFECT conversation...makes that Pumpkin Pie look down right delectable!
And really...don't even get me started on people who rant and rave about Christmas...Yesssss we all know by now Jesus wasn't born on that EXACT day. Declaring this while people sing The First Noel doesn't make you look well read...it just makes you look like a dumb ass who wants to ruin every ones cheer.
These Holidays may have become way commercialized...and yeah we should celebrate life and love on a daily basis...but there meant to be fun. And lets face it...some of us who didn't have a great home life would look forward to these holidays every single year...not because we got stuff...no...because people cared for one another,and treated each other with kindness. The sort of thing we wish we could see everyday. THANK GOD for holiday reminders...if we didn't have them no one would ever remember to be nice...and where would the world be then?
So if you one of those people who doesn't really care for Valentines Day please bear with the rest of us who like celebrating. And if someone tells you Happy Valentines...they probably aren't out to steal your soul and convert you into a holiday loving girly girl, it just means they care. Take it for what it is...say Thank You and go on with your day with the knowledge that someone cares about you.
Happy Valentines Day. <3
Some of them even throw parties based on how much they hate it.
As for me...I honestly don't see where people who hate (or love it so much for that matter) get there energy.
I mean seriously...if people got so excited about finding a cure for cancer as they did doing research about what Valentine's day originated from (Or Christmas or Thanksgiving etc.) we might have a cure by now.
If you think I'm saying I think its stupid to look up historical events as those aforementioned, that is soooo not what I'm getting at I swear.
In fact I love history (Yay History Channel!) and I love it when people like to find out the true meaning of things.
No the thing that irks me are the sort of people who have to make holidays (Not just Valentines day) unbearable. Those people who when you say "Oh hey, Happy Valentines Day." Reply with a snarky remark such as "I hate Valentines day" or "Do you REALLY know what happened on Valentines Day?"
I mean COME ON...Someone is trying to be nice and you just have to be rude because you don't happen to care very much for a holiday. That's not even necessary...if you hate Valentines day (Or Christmas,Thanksgiving..or heck even Arbor Day) get a journal! Don't go around shooting down every cheerful remark someone directs towards you. Say Thanks and move on...geez. No one has manners anymore.
Just because you have probably had some bad experience with holidays doesn't mean you can never have another nice one. To have a nice,loving experience you first have to be open to said experience. If you shut yourself off from everything, how will you ever know any joy in life?
This is a topic I rant to Isaac about...pretty much every holiday.
How many of you have had to listen to people rant and rave about how the Indians where killed and given disease ridden blankets at Thanksgiving...ON THANKSGIVING! "Yeah Grandma...I'd like to say something about how thankful I am about celebrating the white man killing off Indians and stealing there land ." What a great way to express your thanks towards someone who has been cooking all day for your entire family and just wants to spend time with you. Awesome! Really...talking about people dying is PERFECT conversation...makes that Pumpkin Pie look down right delectable!
And really...don't even get me started on people who rant and rave about Christmas...Yesssss we all know by now Jesus wasn't born on that EXACT day. Declaring this while people sing The First Noel doesn't make you look well read...it just makes you look like a dumb ass who wants to ruin every ones cheer.
These Holidays may have become way commercialized...and yeah we should celebrate life and love on a daily basis...but there meant to be fun. And lets face it...some of us who didn't have a great home life would look forward to these holidays every single year...not because we got stuff...no...because people cared for one another,and treated each other with kindness. The sort of thing we wish we could see everyday. THANK GOD for holiday reminders...if we didn't have them no one would ever remember to be nice...and where would the world be then?
So if you one of those people who doesn't really care for Valentines Day please bear with the rest of us who like celebrating. And if someone tells you Happy Valentines...they probably aren't out to steal your soul and convert you into a holiday loving girly girl, it just means they care. Take it for what it is...say Thank You and go on with your day with the knowledge that someone cares about you.
Happy Valentines Day. <3
Friday, February 11, 2011
Excited about the future.
I cannot even begin to tell you just how excited I am about moving home and getting off the military hamster wheel.
We are down to just a few months! (No I don't know the exact date yet.)
Some people can't wait to get away from there homes...get out and "live life"...well let me tell you...I have lived life for 3 years in the foreign country and I'm so ready to get back.
Back to my family,back to my friends,back to malls and bookstores that have English words in all the books!
I cannot wait.
I am so over the military life. and I know how I feel...Isaac feels it x100.
I've loved Japan...I'm so happy for all the friends I have made and the experience I have gained.
But I don't want another day to go by where I can't go see my mom,or my dad. I want my niece and nephews to know who I am and not just have to see me in a picture and on skype.
When people can't fathom why we would want to get out of the Military it makes me realize just how lucky Isaac and I truly are. We have so much support and love back at home and some people don't know how that feels...and maybe that's what it takes to stand the military because I assure it would probably take us both being orphans or something to tolerate this life.
I am just SO excited.
The thought of being home for next Christmas! I'm so happy.
I can say already...I don't know what I'm going to do but when my birthday rolls around in July be prepared for a HUGE party. =)
Yay!
We are down to just a few months! (No I don't know the exact date yet.)
Some people can't wait to get away from there homes...get out and "live life"...well let me tell you...I have lived life for 3 years in the foreign country and I'm so ready to get back.
Back to my family,back to my friends,back to malls and bookstores that have English words in all the books!
I cannot wait.
I am so over the military life. and I know how I feel...Isaac feels it x100.
I've loved Japan...I'm so happy for all the friends I have made and the experience I have gained.
But I don't want another day to go by where I can't go see my mom,or my dad. I want my niece and nephews to know who I am and not just have to see me in a picture and on skype.
When people can't fathom why we would want to get out of the Military it makes me realize just how lucky Isaac and I truly are. We have so much support and love back at home and some people don't know how that feels...and maybe that's what it takes to stand the military because I assure it would probably take us both being orphans or something to tolerate this life.
I am just SO excited.
The thought of being home for next Christmas! I'm so happy.
I can say already...I don't know what I'm going to do but when my birthday rolls around in July be prepared for a HUGE party. =)
Yay!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
A wonderful day full of wonder.
Today started out like any other day.
I woke up assuming absolutely nothing fun or exciting would happen. Than BANG!
ok not really. But Isaac did decide to use his CTO days from work. He's been under the weather for a few days (Fever,cough you know...the funk).
I blame him for my lack of blogging. =p Although something funny did occur during my blogging absence...but sadly I have been sworn to secrecy. Once again...I blame Isaac.
Anyhow...he took his CTO day and we decided it might be fun to actually get out of the house since we both had been cooped up the entire weekend due to his illness and Penelope's surgery.
Speaking of Penelope. I was a NERVOUS WRECK the day we took her in.
Yes I cried on the way to the vet,at the vet,on the ride from the vet,and at home. She of course was fine.
Once we got her back the next day I was doing a lot better. She had four little stitches,but she doesn't seemed to mind. They didn't even cone her. I also may add I have never had to give a dog so many pills before,she loves it. She gets all the cheese she wants.
So I was skeptical of leaving her today...but we really needed to get out. I'm very happy we did I found myself all sorts of goodies at the BX
Pumpkin Spice Philosophy soap.
two hats for under 5 bucks (A fedora and a pork-pie-ish hat)
and a Deadpool comic
We went to watch The Green Hornet.
Oh my god! I loved it so much.
I've always loved The Green Hornet. I stayed with my Dad's parent's a lot when I was little and we always watched re-runs together and The Green Hornet is at the top of my list of favorites. =)
I have so many great memories of this show so I was worried I wouldn't like the movie (Get Smart anyone? I was pissed!)
We are already thinking of going to see it again...but at the better off base theater and in 3D. I have to say I loved the casting for this I kept switching between Seth Rogan and Jay Chou as my favorites,so pretty soon I decided to just go with both of them.
So I definitely recommend this movie if you haven't yet watched it.
I actually think I have a new favorite Superhero film. =) And I can be very critical of superhero movies (COUGH x-men origins HACK worstmovieofalltime AHCHOO!)
This may not be much to some people...but I have say its been a super awesome day. ANNND Penelope didn't pick at her stitches.
I give today and A+!
I woke up assuming absolutely nothing fun or exciting would happen. Than BANG!
ok not really. But Isaac did decide to use his CTO days from work. He's been under the weather for a few days (Fever,cough you know...the funk).
I blame him for my lack of blogging. =p Although something funny did occur during my blogging absence...but sadly I have been sworn to secrecy. Once again...I blame Isaac.
Anyhow...he took his CTO day and we decided it might be fun to actually get out of the house since we both had been cooped up the entire weekend due to his illness and Penelope's surgery.
Speaking of Penelope. I was a NERVOUS WRECK the day we took her in.
Yes I cried on the way to the vet,at the vet,on the ride from the vet,and at home. She of course was fine.
Once we got her back the next day I was doing a lot better. She had four little stitches,but she doesn't seemed to mind. They didn't even cone her. I also may add I have never had to give a dog so many pills before,she loves it. She gets all the cheese she wants.
So I was skeptical of leaving her today...but we really needed to get out. I'm very happy we did I found myself all sorts of goodies at the BX
Pumpkin Spice Philosophy soap.
two hats for under 5 bucks (A fedora and a pork-pie-ish hat)
and a Deadpool comic
We went to watch The Green Hornet.
Oh my god! I loved it so much.
I've always loved The Green Hornet. I stayed with my Dad's parent's a lot when I was little and we always watched re-runs together and The Green Hornet is at the top of my list of favorites. =)
I have so many great memories of this show so I was worried I wouldn't like the movie (Get Smart anyone? I was pissed!)
We are already thinking of going to see it again...but at the better off base theater and in 3D. I have to say I loved the casting for this I kept switching between Seth Rogan and Jay Chou as my favorites,so pretty soon I decided to just go with both of them.
So I definitely recommend this movie if you haven't yet watched it.
I actually think I have a new favorite Superhero film. =) And I can be very critical of superhero movies (COUGH x-men origins HACK worstmovieofalltime AHCHOO!)
This may not be much to some people...but I have say its been a super awesome day. ANNND Penelope didn't pick at her stitches.
I give today and A+!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Stress...I hate you.
We have established in this blog that I am one of the most nervous people in the world.
So naturally when things arise that I have zero control over (or so it feels to me) I crumble.
I morph into this bundle of crying nerves. It's really quite terrible. No one ever wants to witness it. (Poor,poor Isaac.)
Today...we made the official appointment for Penelope (My Mini Doxie) to get fixed. This was not easy for me to choke down. I've wanted her to have puppies ever since I got her. She is beautiful and has the BEST personality.
But things have come up...and I have no choice.
The thing is I'm terrified of taking her in to get surgery. All I can think of is her being away from me and scared. It just makes me so upset.
So after I calm myself...I find out some things about when we fly home.
You have no idea how hard it is to fly pets back. It is horrible. Some people have told me..."Well just leave them. You can buy another when you get home." When people tell me things like that it makes me so angry.
My dogs are my children. I've had Penelope for 3 years and she has been my constant. Whenever Isaac had to leave she would be there. Then we got Luna,same thing with her. I honestly hold them up higher that some peoples actual children. I have even said before...if my dog doesn't like you,I won't.
So all this stress is killing me. I cannot WAIT to just be home...with Isaac and my babies.
Whatever it takes they are getting stateside.
Penelope is having her surgery on the 4th. (the 3rd back home) so I know it's silly but pray for her...and pray for me, because I know I'm going to cry like a baby having to leave her at the vet.
Luna will be having the same surgery in a few weeks...I just don't think I can handle having two of my babies laid up at the same time. This is going to be tough.
So naturally when things arise that I have zero control over (or so it feels to me) I crumble.
I morph into this bundle of crying nerves. It's really quite terrible. No one ever wants to witness it. (Poor,poor Isaac.)
Today...we made the official appointment for Penelope (My Mini Doxie) to get fixed. This was not easy for me to choke down. I've wanted her to have puppies ever since I got her. She is beautiful and has the BEST personality.
But things have come up...and I have no choice.
The thing is I'm terrified of taking her in to get surgery. All I can think of is her being away from me and scared. It just makes me so upset.
So after I calm myself...I find out some things about when we fly home.
You have no idea how hard it is to fly pets back. It is horrible. Some people have told me..."Well just leave them. You can buy another when you get home." When people tell me things like that it makes me so angry.
My dogs are my children. I've had Penelope for 3 years and she has been my constant. Whenever Isaac had to leave she would be there. Then we got Luna,same thing with her. I honestly hold them up higher that some peoples actual children. I have even said before...if my dog doesn't like you,I won't.
So all this stress is killing me. I cannot WAIT to just be home...with Isaac and my babies.
Whatever it takes they are getting stateside.
Penelope is having her surgery on the 4th. (the 3rd back home) so I know it's silly but pray for her...and pray for me, because I know I'm going to cry like a baby having to leave her at the vet.
Luna will be having the same surgery in a few weeks...I just don't think I can handle having two of my babies laid up at the same time. This is going to be tough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)