List of things NOT to say when someone's spouse is deployed or TDY. (Plus a few extra thoughts)

So basically this is the same note I just posted to facebook...but I thought I would share it here also. Maybe with a few extra thoughts.
My reason for writing this...is simple.

I am SO fed up with people acting as if they know my life...like they have walked in my shoes.
Before anyone reads this and thinks I'm talking about them. I can assure you it isn't any of you following this blog. I promise! Sometimes its just random people...which I know in my heart they mean no harm. But you know the feeling...its just something you can't avoid when you get your feelings hurt and I feel that way too.
I know I'm probably rambling...its all from a lack of sleep. But now I'm far to worked up to even think about going to sleep.
So before I say anything else that might offend someone...which I swear is not my intention...I will leave off.
Here's the note from my Facebook page.

Even though I'm going to not have to worry about this soon (THANK GOD) I do have a husband that is TDY right now. It won't be for super long...I am SO thankful for that.
But while looking online I found this list and it fit extremely well with my feelings for the past three years. So now I will give to you the list of things to just keep to yourself when talking to a military spouse who is living through a deployment.

oh and btw the little comments under the "rules" aren't mine they are the original authors...but boy do they fit.


1. I don't know how you do it.
Well, guess what? In all honesty, I don't know how I do it either. I just do. Because really, what other choice do I have?

2. I could never deal with it if my husband was gone for that long.
Hmmm...how does hearing how someone else can't deal with it help me to deal with it?

3. Are you scared that something may happen to him while he's there?
This one has always really perplexed me. Of course, I'm scared. I wouldn't be human if I wasn't. But being reminded of the fact that something may happen to him doesn't help me out.

4. Do you miss him?
Every time I was asked this, I just wanted to respond "Oh, no, definitely not. I like it when he's gone. It gives me the chance to be all by myself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Who wouldn't want that?" Of course, I miss him. Wouldn't you miss your husband?

5. I know just how you feel. My husband was on a business trip last month for three days and I just thought I would die.
Are you kidding me? First, I barely notice now if my husband is only gone for three days. Second, unless his business trip was to a place where everyone is openly carrying a gun in the street trying to kill him and suicide bombers and roadside bombs are prevalent, its not remotely close to being the same. The only thing I may give you on this one is that you know what it's like to sleep in an empty bed.

6. Do you worry about him cheating on you? Or along the same lines...How can you go without sex for so long?
Well, people, it is a little thing called self control. That and a love for my husband and respect for my marriage. Do some people cheat? Sure they do - both here in the states and overseas. But people cheat in civilian marriages too. Being in the military has no bearing on that.




So I know...I really do that some people just don't know. And while I'm never mad at the person who asks these sorts of questions...I do have to wonder...WHAT in Gods name where they thinking?
I seriously cannot wait to be out of this mess.

Also another thing. I just LOVE how people seem to know so much better that me what its like to live my life.
I will just tell you this. The military works for some people...and it doesn't for others.
I would rather me home with my family then have all the military benefits in the world.
I've lived with them and without them. Without them for more than 18 years and I will take without please...with an extra side of friends and family. Thank you!

I am by no means anti military. I just don't want to live this kind of life.